


Masochist

by monaboyd_archivist



Category: The Lord of the Rings RPF
Genre: Angst, M/M, Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2004-02-03
Updated: 2004-02-03
Packaged: 2018-04-11 14:00:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,160
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4438199
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/monaboyd_archivist/pseuds/monaboyd_archivist
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dom takes to self mutilation.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Masochist

**Author's Note:**

> First dom/billy fic. Please critique as you see fit.
> 
> Note from Shirasade: this story was originally archived at the Monaboyd.net Archive, which was closed in September 2014 due to software issues and a lack of new submissions for several years . To preserve the archive, I began manually importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in October 2014. I e-mailed all authors about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this author, please contact me using the e-mail address on the Monaboyd.net Archive collection profile.

Feedback: muchly appreciated. Any type is welcomed.  
Disclaimer: Absolutely no affiliation with LOTR or its downright lovely actors.  
Notes: First dom/billy fic. Please critique as you see fit.

 

 

Cut. Cut. Cut. Cut. Cut. Cut. Cut.

It's all he could think about. He drove down the road, cursing every car impeding the direct route to _his_ house.

Cut. Cut. Cut. Cut. Cut. Cut. Cut.

He felt his eyes start to burn. He didn't dare blink. Not now. Not while _he_ was in the car.

Cut. Cut. Cut. Slash. Cut. Cut. Cut.

They were driving home after a long night at a worthless party. He couldn't be entertained anymore. Barely ever a smile graced his face at all.

Slash. Slash. Slash.

Only another few kilometers. Drop _him_ off and speed home. He could barely take it any longer. It hurt. It hurt bad.

Slash. Slash. Slash.

He stopped in front of the house, staring straight ahead. _He_ opened the car door and looked at him as if to say, "Come with me." He shook his head. He couldn't see _him_ , though he knew _he_ was giving him that look.

Slash. Cut. Cut. Slash.

"Come on, Dommie. Let's go inside." Billy tugged at Dom's hand that clenched the sides of the steering wheel.

"No." Cut. Cut. Cut. Slash. Slash. Burn.

Billy tugged again, only at Dom's wrist this time. His fingers toyed with the clasps that held Dom's wristcuff together. Dom wrenched his wrist out of Billy's hold, thus undoing his cuff.

cutcutcutcutslashslashslashcutslashburnburnburnburnslashcutcutcutcutslashBURN

Dom was exposed. The skin was raw, torn-fitting exactly the shape of the wristcuff. A tear grazed Dom's face, still facing the road ahead. Billy gasped.

He rigidly turned his head to look at _him_. He blinked. Unfastening the wristcuff on his right arm, he blankly stared at _his_ shocked face. An identical bracelet of abrasions grazed that wrist, also. He stoically looked back to the road.

Cut...cut...cut...

"Get out."

"Dominic..."

Slash...slash...slash...

"Get OUT."

"Dominic, no..."

slashcutslashburnburncutcutcutcutSLASH...

"GET THE FUCK OUT OF THE BLOODY CAR!"

He took great gasps, straining for more oxygen.

burn...burn...burn...

"I want to help you, Dominic. Why...why are you hurting yourself like that?" Billy reached out for Dom's wrist. Dom snapped his wrist away.

"Get out of my car, Billy."

Cut. Cut. Cut.

"Not until you tell me what's going on, Dom. What's been happening to you lately? You won't talk to me anymore. You're barely around anymore. And when you are, it's like you're not there anyway. I don't understand, Dommie."

slashburncutslashslashcutburncutcut

"Dominic look at me!"

He stared ahead, unblinking.

"What is going on, Dom. You...you're not Dom anymore. You don't laugh. You don't smile. You don't bother returning phone calls. I've called everyday for the past two months. You don't pick up. Friends don't mean anything to you anymore, is that it? If it is, then please tell me." Billy's voice wavered. "I need to know, Dominic. Please...just please...What did I do wrong? What have I done to hurt you? Hurting you has never been any intention of mine. I'm sorry I've failed you. I've failed you, Dominic. You're the best mate I've ever had and I've failed you terribly. I'm so sorry, Dommie. I'm so sorry..." Billy sobbed.

burn...burn...cry.

Dominic let out a tear-choked sigh. He whimpered. Slowly he let in to body-wracking spasms and sobbing into his steering wheel. He couldn't let Billy know. Just couldn't. But he wouldn't let Billy cry either. That hurt him worse. Physical pain was what he needed. Why couldn't Billy be angry? Why couldn't Billy punch him, beat the shit out of him? Dom knew. And that's why he loved Billy. Billy could never know.

He threw open his car door and sprinted down the street, leaving the sobbing man in his car. He didn't care where he was going. His body would take him to the right place. His feet pounded against pavement, closing in on his destination. There, only two blocks away was his home. Cutting through front yards he ran inside, heading straight to his bathroom. Throwing open the medicine cabinet, he snatched his razor. Slash. Cut, cut, cut cutcutcutcut. No longer did he care where the razor dipped into his skin. He only wished to cut longer, deeper lines.

Billy..Billy...SLASH SLASH

Fucking faggot.

cutcutcutcutcutslashcutcutcuuuuut

Queer. Flamer. Queen. slashslash. Biiillllyyy...

He was sobbing again. Tears clouded his vision, but not so much as he could not see the pools of blood that were dripping from his arm.

Why? Why would a heterosexual man want another man so badly it brought him to physical pain? Why would Dom never feel complete without Billy being near? Why did it bring such joy to his heart whenever Billy laughed? Smiled? Talked? Dom figured it out. He was in love with Billy. Denial set in quick, but left even quicker. He hated himself. Billy was his best mate not his lover. Not a woman in any way, shape or form. Dom knew this, and began to detest himself more and more. What would his father have said? Fucking faggot. What would his friends say? Queer ass son of a bitch. What would Billy say? Dom sobbed, ripping his flesh with the razor. All he saw was blood, disgusting, gory; but so morbidly beautiful he had to see more of it. slashcutslashcutslashslashslash

And he began to fade. Sight blurred around the edges. cutcutcut. He sobbed no more; silent tears burned his face. Billy...Billy...Billy...

Dom was not conscious to hear Billy's scream, nor to feel Billy clutch his body.

Soon after, he found himself in a hospital. His arm was wrapped tightly in clean, white bandages. Billy was sitting at his bedside, holding his hand. He hadn't left Dom's side since the doctors let him in.

His room was filled with flowers and get-well notes and cards. He didn't care. He did care, however, about Billy's concerned look. The way his eyebrows knitted together as different thoughts graced his mind. Billy caught on that Dom had joined the realm of the conscious once more, and quickly stopped himself from yelling for the doctors. They'd told Billy to call for them once Dom showed any signs of waking up. That wasn't going to happen right away if Billy could stop it.

He looked into Billy's eyes. They looked so sad. Well, not sad...just not what he was used to. He was used to Billy's warm smile, the way he said hello with his beautiful Scottish accent. But most of all he was used to seeing Billy happy. A lone tear escaped the corner of his eye, streaking his temple. Billy reached over and brushed the tear away.

"No crying anymore, Dom. No more crying. I'm here for you and I'm not leaving. I'm going to take care of you."

And, for the last time for a long time to come, Dominic cried.


End file.
